MTV’s The Real World: Isla Vista – Stage Two

by someone other than Dick Hurtz:

We are in stage two of MTV’s hottest experiment since “True Life: My Mom is your Mom.” Everything is going quite smoothly, except for a couple of problematic situations.  

That’s what we love though, right? 

Problems! 

Of course, if they’re not happening to us.

In an expected twist, Evan Wagstaff has started hoarding bananas from the kitchen. He’s also been throwing decorative cacti at every Daily Nexus staff person in vicinity. Where did he get these cacti? Is Evan a magical wizard who can conjure objects with ease? We are all wondering what he will do with his bananas and cacti. 

Will he build the world’s greatest, inedible smoothie? 

Will he build the ultimate bowl of inedible oatmeal? 

Will he build the most awesome bowl of cereal? 

Only time will tell.

One fortnight ago, Shounak Dharap boarded Travis Miller in his room with plywood and nails. He also leaned a ladder against the outside of the Marley House and boarded Travis’s window. Travis has been banging on the walls begging to be let out but no one has answered his call. I’m guessing it’s because Shounak also soundproofed the outside walls of Travis’s room with ricer matting. When asked, “Why did you do this?,” Shounak answered: “I’ve always wanted a gimp and I figure the easiest way to make one is to starve it first.”

Dick has started dressing in tribal attire, chanting and pointing spears at Igor wherever he goes. In a barely audible rant, captured in a festive pumpkin microphone, Mr. Hurtz said: “Get away from me, you fuckhead, Igor! Yeah, that’s you I’m talking about! I’m going to bone your mom!” Later that week, as Igor was sipping his morning juice, he answered: “Fuck that shit; anyway, I need some scarfage, pass me the toast.” 

While jumping in a fit, Dick retorted with “Pay attention to me! I’m not going to change! You’re seeing Dick on 10! You want Dick on 5! And Dick isn’t going to take it down for you, or anyone else! Let Dick do what he wants to do! That what he’s all about! A lesson in being me, is all about totally being me!” 

Igor said: “Dude, back off!”

Over a game of 8-ball, John Greely has been reported trying to woo both Jen Woo and Alison Bailey in delicious threeway sex. Some lines caught over conversation include “Hey baby, where are you sleeping tonight? That’s right, my bed. Yeah!” and “I want to see your vagina!” How he ever captured Mackenzie Weinger, we’ll never know. 

Later when confronted, all John could say was “Oh my god, I am, like, so sorry! I love you guys! Feel how good it feels to feel!” His awkward threeway hug was dully noted.

The hip location of Isla Vista is proving again to be the hotspot of true tension. Watch out in two weeks when MTV’s The Real World: Isla Vista reaches stage three. 

On a side note, rent prices have been going up since MTV has stepped on the scene. Zak Weinberg will be leading a protest to combat this.