Dick Hurtz:
The food. The choice between runny eggs and non-runny eggs got a bit bothersome. I got sick of the endless supply of “half sandwiches” (sandwiches which were once “full” but have been tampered with and remained half eaten). Also, eating around sick people is a little bit disgusting. True, you are sick yourself, but some are sicker than others. There’s nothing worse than a chow partner with a runny nose, the sniffles or B.O.
I was checked up on every four hours. Even while sleeping, staff will open and close doors like an inconsiderate freshman dorm-mate. Most of the time, this woke me up and residual hospital sounds continued to keep me awake. There are enough beeps and boops to make R2D2 jealous.
I got sick of the people I was around. It’s not really that cool that the sickest person on the floor also has an acute case of hug-aphelia. Other than that, most everyone is nice. It’s the germs on people you have to avoid.
I was not able to go outside. This drove me crazy. I coped with it in a very unhealthy way, which made me never want to step foot at Cottage ever again.
It was always noisy. If you’re going to stay at a hospital, be prepared for an onslaught of noise. I rarely had peace. Ear-plugs are a must for sleeping.
Plan on losing muscle and gaining fat. Of course, your scale marks this as “You are losing weight, congratulations!” but in reality, I became weaker. Using the weird exercise bike from the seventies does not count either.
I was able to tell who my true friends were. Real friends will visit you while you’re sick. Acquaintances will be at home watching Family Guy. Hopefully you have parents though.
There are many, many board games around to play with. However, barely anyone will be in the mood to play them. I was afraid to open the Cranium Box for fear of prehistoric insects crawling out.
I had nothing fun to do. If you came in empty, I would ask for a pen and paper quick. At least you can doodle to pass the time. Eventually though, your parents will bring in your laptop and you’ll be computing in no time. Talking with other patients is an easy way to kill the time as well.
The staff can be just as ridiculous as anyone you dislike. Just because you are in a “safe” area, you are not safe from weird preconceived notions you have of certain people. Say a worker reminds you of someone you do not like. Unless you get out of that mood, your recovery is going to be lame.
There you have it. Ten points on hospital life. Bring on the feedback, keeping in mind I do not like mean people.
Dick Hurtz was born to a family of wolverines in 1902.
After killing his father and climbing the ranks of his family, he set sail for America. Once there, he heard of a right-wing radical group called Oletoday which was recruiting new members. Dick joined Oletoday and became accustom to their revolutionary ways.
Dick is convinced, no matter what, Oletoday gives him ultimate power. 
Dick Hurtz, you are hilarious. Please write a book. I’ll read it while imagining how hot you are in person.
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