What Type of Runner are You?

Isla Vista is full of runners. Any time of day, from early morning to late evening, this interesting species can be identified by the amount of lift of its feet off the ground, heavy perspiration, and sporty wardrobe. There are, of course, subspecies. Not all runners are the same, and while not everyone fits into these categories, Isla Vista offers some excellent opportunities for spotting some of these common specimens:

The Guy Who Passes Everyone with His Shirt Off

We’ve all run into this one before: the description’s pretty self-explanatory. This runner is hot and knows it (don’t be fooled when he tries to explain the nude torso as something he does because it’s more efficient for perspiration or aerodynamics or because it helps running form). His long stride, tanned torso and fit physique add up to a triumvirate that leaves even the most seasoned jogger checking out his ass and then becoming progressively discouraged over the few seconds he takes to pass and then disappear off into the distance

Best Viewing Location: The trails around Devereux, the golf course and Coal Oil Point

The Marathon Trainer

This runner may not be training for a marathon, maybe just a 10K, but they’ve got their schedule and they’re stickin’ to it. They probably ran track in high school, so they know what it means to train for something and how to do it. This type of runner may be the hardest to identify, because of the varied speed and distance they do. One day you might see them slogging along ten miles at a snail’s pace; the next, it’s two miles faster than a speeding bullet.

Best Viewing Location: Due to the varied demands of its training schedule, the marathon trainer can be spotted pretty much everywhere.

The Girl Whose Butt Shorts Definitely Don’t Make her Butt Look Fat (Because Yes, We Can See it)

This is the female counterpart of no-shirt guy. In Isla Vista, it is socially acceptable for guys to show their bare chest, but not girls—at least not during the day. Girls respond? Hello butts! But on a more serious note, this runner has been running for a while, enjoys the morning endorphin rush, and always has a smile to offer for the friendly passerby. So what if she probably runs in part to maintain her cute butt? It’s gotta be done somehow.

Best Viewing Location: the beach

The Newbie

The newbie’s natural habitat is, I’m sorry to say, not pounding pavement. But let the newbie be an inspiration to us: habit(ats) can change. The Newbie can commonly be seen in the late morning slogging around the block in I.V. Characteristics include a very short stride with minimal upward movement, heavy perspiration, and extremely heavy panting. Characteristics do not necessarily include an unfit physique. Running is hard for even the most in shape when they first get into it, and the newbie is a testament to this.

The Treadmill Runner

This one falls into two categories. Either it’s a newbie disguised as a treadmill runner, come to the gym to try to get that speed up or be in an environment where panting is socially acceptable, or it’s a fitness junkie. This second subspecies commonly runs only ten to twenty minutes at a time at a fairly sustained pace before returning to its natural habitat: pumping iron.

Runner watching is a lot like bird watching, and can be done in many of the same areas. There are, of course, runners out there who just run: no butt shorts, no nude torsos, and no marathon training. But they don’t make for very good Saturday morning entertainment.

For a related piece check out The Rules of the Run