David Safina:
From the rolling green hills of the central coast to the rollin’ green-peace loving streets of Isla Vista, a silent rivalry between California’s two greatest universities continues to brew. I am speaking of course of the tangible feud between UCSB and Cal Poly, a conflict that, just as the intrinsic conflict between the mascots of these two institutions -the wild horse and the horse tamer- is written almost unconsciously into the nature of the beast- or beast tamer, the spirit of the rivalry runs just as deep in the souls of half drunken tortilla throwers and ‘mustang maniacs’ cheering on the team where their respective loyalties lie. This perpetual rodeo bloodlust extends far beyond the soccer field and into all aspects of collegiate society even to the point that one can view this regional conflict as a microcosm of the eternal nor-cal v. so-cal culture war. We all have our preconceptions about this conflict which, obviously is of the utmost importance.
So what makes me qualified to write this history defining document of the utmost importance? Well, having attended Cal Poly SLO as a freshman and sophomore, then transferring to UCSB for my junior and senior year, I find myself in a very unique position to weigh the pros and cons of each institution and to issue a verdict once and for all to who is the greatest – the magnificent mustangs or the gallant gauchos?
For your consideration I present the following…
Cal poly students have a habit of getting wasted by 10 oclock and staying up until midnight discussing which professor or class is more ‘interesting’, materials engineering or advanced mechanics.
UCSB students have a habit of getting wasted by sun up and somehow navigating walks of shame from all corners of Isla Vista to get to their engineering or mechanics final by 10 am. Hiding under sweatshirst hoods, with gatorade in hand, they somehow manage to pass with a D+. Ask them in a few hours how they did on the test, and they probably wouldn’t remember what class the test was in.
Cal poly students fall into the following ethnic/religious groups : white/ middle class/ protestant, white/middle class /catholic & non denominational christian…as long as you are white and middle class obviously.
UCSB students fall into the following ethnic/religious groups: …”dude, I’m totally down with (insert religion or ethnicity), they kick ass…want to smoke a bowl for all the (ethnic communities or religious practitioners in question)?”
Cal Poly fraternity and sorority parties are not merely an option of places to get down on a weekend, but an exhaustive list – unless you like line dancing or have a sober driver (which, we all know never happens simultaneously – if you want to line dance you are clearly not in the vicinity of a sober person).
UCSB fraternity and sorority parties are a last resort after all the amazing house parties are shut down at midnight… and even then you feel kind of pathetic for taking shots of puke flavored liquor in sweat coated basements after your first quarter freshmen year.
Cal Poly prides itself on diversity, there are not only more that 10 African American students, they have an Asian or two as well!
UCSB prides itself on not being Cal Poly, but the students are too drunk/stoned 4-5 days a week to remember why.
Cal Poly students enjoy the occasional tractor pull, while UCSB students enjoy the occasional protest of burning fossil fuels for moronic reasons.
Finally, UCSB students live in a cloud of marijuana smoke and Cal Poly students live in a cloud of Cow-produced methane.
Both get high on their respective drug.
