Heartbreak Hotel: Stories of Overcoming Cheating in a Relationship

Jen Woo:

I look in his eyes and I see truth, purity, compassion, understanding, an unbreakable bond. I let go, I let him in, and I love.

I look in his eyes and I see emptiness, loss of what used to be, bitterness, desire for another. I let myself go. I am lost. My spirit is broken.

I look in my own eyes and I find a deep empty hole inside. I am at a loss when think about who I am. Am I no one without him? I am broken and flawed: a torn Mona Lisa, a completed jigsaw missing the final piece, an unfinished symphony.

Love is a common term that is thrown around without much substance behind it. Few truly understand the nature of giving the entirety of oneself to someone, and even less know the feeling of having it thrown back in their face. Inspired by those that have had their hearts broken and have loved and lost, I have compiled stories of a few strong women and men who know the true meaning of sacrifice and heartache, and who have seen another in the eyes of the one they loved and are not afraid to love again.

Story #1

Always believing that a solo is better than duet, I have gone through a series of relationships without putting much effort into worrying about making sure my significant other was happy and focusing on my own concerns. This turned out for the best as I was let down the majority of the time, with my men groveling after to get me back, one even asking for marriage. I suppose it was my karma when I finally found one, the one, who I would, as they say, fall desperately in love with. We met coincidentally twice and believed it was meant to be. We were perfect. We joined together flawlessly with complimenting interests, beliefs, and sex appeal. Despite wanting to spend every waking second with each other, we still gave each other space to be independent. It was the ideal relationship and remained so until we hit six months and his ex came back into the picture. I suppose I knew because he began to act differently: disappearing, not answering my calls or returning them for long periods of time, not wanting to have sex, and not wanting spend all of his free time with me as he did before. I lingered, in denial, tried playing hard to get, gave the silent treatment, in addition to many other strategies my friends and I came up with, but it wasn’t until I finally walked in on my boyfriend and his ex that the idea of him cheating on me became reality.

My heart drops and I can’t speak. I feel as if someone is wringing my stomach. I have been thrown aside like a used wrapper, and left as bare packaging, empty and unwanted. Afterwards, I cannot eat, sleep, or laugh. My eyes have become permanently red and swollen from a stream of never ending tears. We continue together with me as the girl on the side and I become the girl I told myself I’d never become. I lose my self respect along with my identity, and my once very independent self now completely revolved around this man. I never understood women who allowed themselves to be beaten mentally and physically, who continued to give their significant other all of themselves, even when the other didn’t want it. Now I felt as if my friends looked at me as the battered wife. I was emotionally drained: a zombie following orders, hoping to achieve emotional enlightenment and find the passion that was once there. I rattled my brain wondering why my heart and my conscience could not come to an agreement to implement a plan that would salvage what was left of my heart. I forced myself to leave him, who I knew was the love of my life.

With the support of close friends, I was able to find myself again and become the girl I once was. Stripped of my security blanket, I dwelled in a lucid dream, raw and completely aware of my solitary existence. I was liberated, and through my painful experience, I learned the true meaning of love and trust, emerging from the ashes of my blistered heart and spirit as a new person. Stronger, more aware, and smarter, I knew that this was a turning point in my life and that I would never be the same again.

Story #2

I was at a party in my college town at one of my best friend’s houses when I turned around to see an unfamiliar face, one who seemed to know my entire circle of friends. We met through a mutual friend, and a few tequila shots later we were making out in front of everyone. From that day on we became inseparable. I had never met anyone that I could laugh so hard with, talk to so easily, and get butterflies in my stomach every time I saw him or heard his voice. We spent every day and night together and both admitted we had never been this happy and were so lucky to have met each other. Although everything was perfect at the time, there was a huge issue that we both continued to ignore: that we were both moving to opposite ends of the world for six months to study abroad. I would be in Europe, while he was going to Asia. We did not set a definite title for our relationship as I think we were both afraid of what the other’s response would be.

I remember bringing him to the airport to depart for Asia. We got out of the car, looked at each other and began to cry. We both knew it wouldn’t be the same after that or ever again as the past five months had been too perfect and so much fun. The party was over.

We managed to stay together, even during our time apart. I would walk miles to the internetia to have aim dates or buy ridiculously expensive calling cards just to be able to talk to him for ten minutes. We wrote letters and emails to each other everyday. It was romantic to be able to get to know him on another level but painful at the same time. After a couple months I started to see another girl appear in his pictures quite often and they seemed to be very close. I tried not to be jealous but it started to hurt seeing another girl get so close to him. The few times I confronted him, he denied that anything was going on every time. When I moved back to the US, he was still abroad and a close friend of his told me how he had been seeing this girl and cheating on me the entire time. He also showed me letters between the two of them and pictures of them together. I had never felt so crushed in my entire life. We ended up breaking up and to this day, he still denies that anything happened. I was sad and lost, becoming an entirely different person. The confidence I once had, the fun, cute side of me that had always attracted guys, was now missing. For the first time in my life I felt worthless and insecure.

For the next year of my life, I felt this way; and seeing him on campus and in classes didn’t help. Sitting in a classroom together without even acknowledging each other felt so strange. He was the one I thought I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and couldn’t live without. I can’t pinpoint what it takes to get over someone and that feeling of overwhelming pain, because even now as I’m writing this I feel as if I could start crying. Because of that though, I know it was real; and over time I realized that we both had changed and I was able to heal. We were two different people and would never be able to have what we once had. The relationship and the break up changed us both, in some ways for better and in some ways for worse but when it comes down to it, there is too much baggage and pain to return to it.

Looking back on it and where I am today, I am happy I moved on. I have experienced amazing things and met incredible people that would not have happened if I was locked down in an unhealthy relationship. I will always look back on the time we did have together and cherish it because I now know what love and heartbreak feels like so in the future I’ll know when love comes around again. I’m not afraid to love again and although I do carry my heart with more caution now, I can’t wait to fall in love again because having that feeling is completely worth it.

Story #3

We met in the summer of tenth grade through a mutual friend, who was also her previous boyfriend. After him, she and I hung out several times, and she asked me if I wanted to come to her soccer game to watch her play. I went to the game and asked her to dinner afterwards. We got dinner at CPK, saw a movie, and when I took her home it was the first time we kissed.

After that we were inseparable: we were constantly on the phone, made plans to go to dinner, see movies, and just hang out. We basically started dating after that first time we went out, but I didn’t officially ask her to be my girlfriend until a month after. We were always together and she always matched me on any activity I was into that week. For the first year or so we had small fights but nothing ever serious. I trusted her completely and I can say that I truly loved her. I know she felt the same and we continued to have fun with each other on all of our trips and just being with each other.

Things started going bad when I drove another girl to school. I had a lot of fun hanging out with her and it made my girlfriend jealous. Things really hit the fan when this girl asked me to one of the school dances, and even though they both were friends, my girlfriend went nuts. The next few months my girlfriend became extremely jealous even though nothing ever happened between the girl and I. She also started going out with her friends more, which I didn’t like and made me jealous. In turn I began hanging out with the other girl more in spite of my girlfriend, and one night we ended up hooking up. Over a two week period, we hooked up a couple times and that was it. My girlfriend didn’t know until a year or so later when the girl’s friend told her at a party. She confronted me about it and I denied it, which is what I believe to have led her to cheat on me.

I knew she cheated on me a couple of times and things were never the same after that. I knew I made a mistake because I really did love her. After a year of her not finding out, I thought it was behind us, but when she found out, I felt horrible and wished that I could have taken it back. I felt hurt and confused. It made me crazy to think of her with another guy, especially while we were still together. It made me act out in ways that I would have never thought I could have. I did realize one thing: that love makes people crazy.

It wasn’t until last year that we admitted to each other that we had both cheated. We talked about it a lot and both realized that what we had was pretty damn good, and while her actions were just as thoughtless as mine, it was her way of getting back at me.

Our relationship came to an end halfway through my freshman year in Santa Barbara. It was really hard because she was interested in doing her own thing in LA, even though I really wanted to be with her. We were always fighting so it finally came to a breaking point. We broke up and later that year she moved to San Diego. Although we tried dating on and off for another year or so, it would never be like it was before. We will always love each other and I believe it’s just a matter of time when we finally figure out how to make it work.

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get over her because what we had was truly amazing; we were able to see what could have been at such a young age. Love is a funny thing. You think the feelings are gone, but once memories start stirring, you realize why you were with each other in the first place.

Just as everything else, love requires certain risks to be taken and sacrifices that must be made in order to build a healthy and successful relationship. Being in love can be a terrifying place to be, as for many it means stepping into the unknown, exposed, weak, and defenseless. From these three remarkable people, we can learn a few things from their journeys: 1) True love does not mean molding yourself to become what the other wants 2) You must love and respect yourself for who you are in order for another to love and respect you 3) You must be willing to give your all if you expect to receive it; and 4) Do not hold on to something that isn’t there. As many of us step into a new relationship, we automatically put on a pair of rose-colored glasses that shade any negative attributes, allowing us to dismiss any warning signs and become blindly in love. The majority of humans, and women especially, are emotion-based, therefore, we make mistakes and can only learn from them and make the best out of it.

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