Fuck Bikes:
Today was the first day of school. It was all pretty good, except when I tried to use my car in IV.
Fuck that shit.
I know when I’m on my bike, everything is great, I’m riding around, I don’t care about cars, I can ride around them, everything is fine and I don’t care.
When I’m in my car however, goddamn, I fucking hate being around bikes. If I’m not going to hit a biker, a biker is going to hit me. What happens then? My car will be dented and I will be pissed. I don’t want to think about that when I’m trying to get lunch. I mean, it’s not like I’m trying to make my way through DP on a Saturday night for fun, again.
How about the amount of time you have to wait at an intersection for the parade of bikes to break up? I think I waited a good eight minutes trying to drive a total of two hundred feet. That was the highlight of my day.
They should hire people to guide traffic, like how those old ladies help little kids across the street when they go to school. Except we should get some girls from the volleyball team to hold up big STOP signs to stop the bikers whenever I want. Then they’d walk the cars through and my day would be a lot better.
How cute would that be; they could even wear little black officer hats and everything.
With whistles.
Fuck Gas Stations
When I say fuck gas stations, I’m not talking about fuck gas prices.
Those are bad and will always be bad.
What I’m talking about, is fuck the five minutes when they slow down the pump before you hit the amount you paid.
If I pay the gas station attendant twenty dollars, I don’t want to walk to my car, pump gas for five minutes until it hits $19.50, and then wait another five minutes for it to reach $20 as the pump slows down.
Fuck that.
If I give the attendant $20, I want the gas to shoot faster than Peter North. Seriously, I fucking hate waiting. I don’t care if the gas overflows and sprays out my gas tank, drenching me in the process.
I like going to class smelling like gasoline.
God forbid the pump screws up and I accidentally get $20.01 worth of gas. My time is worth more than their penny.
In summation, it should only take two seconds for me to get gas.
Fuck Haircuts
Ok, so it’s not that I mind giving people twenty bucks to cut my hair.
It’s just, I can do such a better job myself. That twenty can go towards more important things.
I love using my Wahl cutters that vibrate at five hundred decibels. I just pretend that I’m at a party and wear earplugs.
I also really like using a tiny dental mirror to line up the back. It’s quite a feat to hold that little thing with one hand while trying to use a Bic razor with the other. I never bleed using that technique.
The best part, however, is going to school in the middle of a haircut.
Last year, I was attempting to cut my hair an hour before a final review. I forgot that I had the review to go to though.
Long story short, everyone sitting behind me thought I was mentally disabled for two hours. Part of the back of my head was at a “2” length, while the other parts were battling between “4” and “5”length, in patches of course.
Needless to say, I got a “C” on the final.
Fuck Crashing
Actually, you know what, don’t fuck crashing. I got all the classes I wanted while everyone else was screwed.
Ha ha!
For more humor check out Ole Today’s: What Kind of College Drinker Are You
For something entirely random check out Ole Today’s: 3 Reasons Why Pot Should Stay Illegal
It’s funny, the gas station thing never really bothered me though, but then again I am left handed.
you seem a bit angry. Product of a bad childhood? Tell you what, I’m going to hold this doll up and you will point to where the priest touched you.
Hows It Going
myself found your site on Google and read a few of your other entires. Nice Stuff. Im looking forward to reading more from you.
Anyway, what do you think about front?
Talk Later