How do you rep your favorite team?

By Tim Moore:

Whether casually, publicly, or in a live game setting, how you rep your favorite team is important . . . REALLY important. I’ve seen too many mishaps and too much faux pas in my time, so, I’m going to save your can from looking like a fool. You’ll thank me later. 

First, there are some guidelines for everyday wardrobe choices. In an effort to avoid embarrassment, if you are wearing a piece of apparel from any professional or collegiate sports team, it’s imperative you have a modicum of knowledge about the given team. This is not difficult. If you bought a Baltimore Orioles cap because you’re majoring in Ornithology and like the color orange, do yourself a favor and find out who Nick Markakis is… maybe jump on Wikipedia and learn about Cal Ripken Jr. After those keys are established, keep tabs on the team’s progress for the duration of the time you plan on wearing the cap in public. These steps will help you with navigating informal conversations with strangers without sounding like an idiot. Remember, buying a piece of fan apparel goes much deeper than simply an aesthetic undertaking.  

If you actually consider yourself a fan of the team in which you are representing, congratulations. You probably already know the basics, but if you don’t, get to work. If you consider yourself a “true” fan of this team, make sure you don’t wear any of the team’s gear out in public when the team is actually playing a game. The dumbass-meter goes up based on how many games are in the given sport’s season. Baseball is borderline permissible, basketball isn’t, and football is a staunch no-go. You shouldn’t be caught dead in a shopping mall on a Sunday morning with a Raiders jersey on if the Raiders are playing the 10am slot, ESPECIALLY, if the Chargers have a late game. You’ll look stupid, I guarantee it.  

Perhaps the biggest way to break all the rules of sports fashion is actually in person, at a game. More often than not, people get caught up in the pride and pageantry of of such a momentous occasion, so they overdress, yielding more-often-than-not, hideous results.  

It’s hard to go wrong at a Baseball game. A jersey or shirt and a hat go well together on both men and women, but, if you’re over the age of 13, leave the baseball glove in the car. While a parking lot game of catch is encouraged, the probability of catching a foul ball with your glove is so slim, that carrying the thing around all day is pointless . . . plus, you look like a wimp. Besides, we all know the biggest G’s in the stands are the ones that catch barehanded. 

Football, too, is hard to mess up. There’s nothing wrong with a jersey/hat combo here, but, certain fans in certain markets (cough… ClevelandandOakland) have a tendency to make a football game look more like a Star Trek convention. Leave the spiked shoulder pads and Halloween masks at home. 

It must be because the players themselves wear less than the other sports, but basketball is home to the most stupidly-dressed fans. Having been exposed to Lakers fans for the past 15 years of my life has opened my eyes to the world of swag disaster. I’ve seen it all. There are the secondary infractions, which include: bootleg jerseys, poofy purple and gold wigs, officially licensed logo shoes, and polyester warm-up pants. Those all suck, but the Lakers (and much of the NBA, for that matter) has the worst-dressed fans anywhere. 

FULL-UNIFORM GUY.  

It’s obviously not as common in the other sports, but it’s accessible as hell to basketball fans. Full-uniform guy is typically a 5′3″-5′8″ white male decked out from head to toe in gear. Headband, replica jersey, every variation of wristband/neoprene sleeve imaginable, replica shorts, knee-high logo socks, and a pair of Kobe Bryant Adidas Hyperdunks. Optional attributes include a face painting, and an additional jersey to hold up and point at.  

DON’T. BE. THIS. GUY. 

If you take anything away from this article, let it be that subtleties are the best way to express yourself. Let a nice vintage tee or ironic throwback jersey be the talking point… not your $2,000 collection of officially licensed merchandise.  

Now, defend yourself. Email me at timmoore@oletoday.com.