By Zak Weinberg
The California state park system will close 70 parks by July 12th 2012, as ordered by Governor Jerry Brown in a state budget released last March. The closures represent about 23 million dollars in cuts and are based on the relative significance of each park, as identified by the State History Plan and the California State Parks Survey of 1928.
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(Or as OleToday writer Shounak Dharap puts it: Looking For Sex, Booze, and Big Cars? Get a Hybrid).
1. In a recent study conducted by General Motors (manufacturers of Chevrolet, Buick, Cadillac, GMC, and Hummer), 88% women would rather hit on the guy with the most fuel-efficient car versus the newest sports car or truck. Seriously. Guys. Eighty-eight percent of Isla Vista girls is over sixteen thousand. Non-hybrid drivers: those are fourteen thousand more chicks that could be chatting you up. So, “real men” in IV, decide whether you really want to stay with your Mustangs, Escalades and two thousand women… or if you want to really man up and go for the fourteen thousand more babes just waiting to wrap their hands around your electronically controlled continuously variable transmission.
2. In college, the amount of money you have is directly correlated with your ability to party. And party hard you must. Let’s take one of the hundreds of Ford Mustangs driving around Isla Vista and compare it to a Toyota Prius. The 2010 Mustang is priced at $21, 845, while the 2010 Prius is $21,750. Upfront that’s already a keg and a couple handles of Smirnoff. But let’s continue. The average mileage of a car is 20,000 miles per year. Over four years (the average residency of an Isla Vistan), that’s 80,000 miles. On average, the 2010 Mustang gets 20 miles per gallon, while the 2010 Prius gets 50 miles per gallon. Freshmen: by the time you graduate from UCSB, you will have paid a minimum (gas prices are only on the rise, people) of $16,000 on gas. If you chose the Prius, you would have only spent $6400. That’s a $9600 difference – almost a year’s worth of rent! Or we can look at it a different way. With the money you saved buy getting the Prius, you could have drunk your way through 150 kegs. Or pounded down 240 handles of Jack Daniels. Now that’s a lot of hooch!
3. When people think of hybrids, they usually think of dinky eco-boxes and oddly shaped emasculating coupes. But that’s just a misconception. If you want big, you can get it in a hybrid. If you want stylish, you can get it in a hybrid. If you want fast, you can get it in a hybrid. Get the picture yet? Car manufacturers are churning out hybrids in all shapes and sizes, and here are some examples of the newest names in hybrid cars: Chevy Silverado, Ford F-150, Dodge Ram, Porsche Cayenne, Mercedes S400, Lexus RX 450h, Ford Escape, Jeep Grand Cherokee, Cadillac Escalade, Audi A3, and Hummer H3. These are some badass hybrid cars. And guys – remember how 88% of chicks dig the hybrids? Well with these aforementioned hybrids, you can get those 12% who like guys in badass cars as well. It’s a win-win. So why the hell wouldn’t you get a hybrid?
